I'm liking it

I have been thinking about what makes success again. I have run into some men lately that seem to have it made; first there is Justin whose list is so extensive it drives me mental. First of all he is financially established after working on tug-boats in the Vancouver harbor for years which left him with oodles of money, he is one of the most established 'outdoorsman' in town and is revered as the most experienced mountaineer, skier, backcountryer, and horticulture expert. He did a 2 week trip along one of the mountain ranges around here about a month ago and took may pictures of it which he preceded to do a slideshow presentation with at the local coffee shop which was packed that night. He is dating a beautiful girl who co-owns a quaint little tea-shop here in town. Not to mention he has a beautiful large house and is an amazing guitar player. I have yet to find out if he speaks any languages but I wouldn't be suprised if he is fluent in at least a couple.

Now I realize the danger of putting myslef up against someone like this but one can't resist this obvious chance to be depressed!! I work in a diner where I flip burgers and empty grease-traps, only to be able to just afford my apartment and just skim by as far as eating and a little extra money. I haven't really got many credentials to my name except for maybe reading lots of novels which when it comes down to it doesn't really do anything for me or at least anything I am using right now. I have seemed to fail in most relationships I enter into and even often drive them to cease to even have anything to do with me. I come up 'lacking' in so many ways but for some odd reason as I was sitting on the edge of my bed last night, looking at my naked reflection, I couldn't help but feel that I didn't really care. There are so many minions that walk through this life doorway without making the tiniest indent on the frame. They just blow through uneffectedly and I couldn't really figure out why I shouldn't be one of those. So what if I just blow through life without making any significant tracks or effect any change- what diference wil it really make. Sure fun is going to be had but even then it is not required, just a preference. So I suppose I will let Justin be Justin and maybe I will start spending my days watching T.V.

New beginnings (oxymoron)

As I know is inevitable things are changing and people are slowly moving out of my life but thankfully new ones are moving in. this is definately a tiering and depressing route but it seems like the one I have chosen for myself. I applied for a new job yesterday at a place that sends workers to famalies with autistic children. I am rather hopeful about this one. My friends out here do all seem to have there own life but are good at including me. Life in the new apartment is exciting but lonely- it is wierd being able to walk around in it and know that it is all mine. Living in tents and campers for so long has adjusted me to the small spaces life. Having my records is incredible and I had forgotten how much they actually meant to me. Jordan- I started the band biography and it is wonderful. When he started talking about Simcoe and Rick Danko growing up there I felt quite proud to know you!! It won't stop pouring here and it makes for more of a frustrating life then a depressing one. Since I walk everywhere, everytime I go out I get drenched which is rather frustrating. Need to get a better rain-jacket. - Nathanael Alan Baker

Update

Just so readers/peruesers know I have changed the settings so that anone can make whatever comment they fancy either on my writing or general opinions just about me.

Too Long

Really there are no rules to these blog thingys. Technically I can not write ever again and no rule would be broken- no one could say that I agreed to abide and did not abide (is there a word for 'did not abide'?). There is however many people that point out the simple fact that it takes awhile in between posts. For this (believe it or not) I am grateful for because it shows the obvious fact that people actually give damn what is going on in my often uneventful life. Thankfully uneventful is not a word that could surmise my life as of late. Many things have changed recently and I continue to be living in a world of turmoil- mostly evidence of my young age I believe. I have been priviliged enough to spend some time with my brothers which included a trip to a rather small Bible College where the idea of a evening shindig is to weave bacon together in a pan, stick it in the oven and presto-chango you have a party. The elder brother looked after me as we pereused Vancouver and met his possible future 'in-laws'. The last month has also seen me moving into an apartment that signifies my climbing the great social ladder of western america. The nicest apartment I have had to date it comes with a balcony and I hope to include a pool table (which I have already purchased but am having trouble fitting into the apartment building) to further my skill in a hobby I have had since I was but a wee one. Most eventfully however I returned to Saskatchewan for 10 or so days. Firstly; getting out there was posistive hell as I stood on the side of the road hitchin' in one spot for a good seven hours- worse luck I have ever encountered. The time was wonderful though and I was actualy a ltle surprised how many people I managed to reconnect with. Highlights included; jammin with the boys until the wee hours, a house party with the members of library voices, evenings spent with Jordan and Sarah (which are always strangely and wonderfully nostalgic), trivia at Bobby's, breakfast at a strangers house and most importantly being able to rest these weary eyes on familiar ones. This is not to say that it was continually happy for there was a significant loss of a friendship that has meant a lot to me over the years. Returning "home" to Hope has been good though- I managed to bring my records andmy saxophone back which I am quite happy about. Work hours are looking quite scarce and it looks like I am going to be required to pick up another job somewhere to make the proverbial ends meet. Life has settled into a suprisingly comfortable routine. Whenever that happens though- I ussualy get some rude awkening and turmoil starts all over again so until the wind blows my way I will stay here spping my tea quite contently. Thanks for readig- Nat